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On the Benefits to Warriors, and thereby, the world, by the practice of Politics.

As told by Stique Mac Jacques, between intrigues with certain wenches at the Seasick Mermaid to Lord Thomas Buttesthorn, who was unable to get away in time.

The sun had long ago set, and deep in the night as I was heeding a certain call during an evening of revelry at a recent war, I heard familiar sounds that told me that I was near the "Seasick Mermaid."'

"Ye pap-fed runts o' the litter! Aye! and thy mother was a runt before yet If thy brains were not as curdled milk, then perchance thy mouth would not flap as old cheesecloth in a wind!" There was a loud murmur followed by a crash, several crashes, and as a grand finale, the sound of tavern doors slamming open, accompanied by running feet and another, young-sounding voice, crying for mercy. The voice sounded fainter as the youth lied down through the trees and grasses, punctuated once by a tripping sound, a crash, and then three voices: one, female and shrieking; one, male and apologetically pleading; one, male and very angry. Ah! But that's another tale and perhaps one best left untold.

Alter this curious turn of events, recognizing the older voice as none other, than Stique Mac Jacques' (and having had more than a few too many, or my better judgment might have prevailed), I went in.

No sooner did I push my way through the creaking tavern doors with their familiar stench of age-old beer, leaving far behind the wholesome and clean night air, than I heard, "Buttesthorn, ye old Hound O' War! What a sight for these battle-hardened eyes! And in the pink of health too! Well met!"

Although feeling the effects of having blended many a Single-Malt during the course of the evening, and not being in total agreement, I thought it best not to dispute the statement.

"Well met Stique!" I exclaimed as best I could through lips that wouldn't work quite right. It was late in the evening. "And you look to be twice as healthy tonight! But tell me, Stique, what was that quarrel just before I entered."

, "Ah, Thomas lad, ye know aright the cause of it," he said wearily. "Ye tear some young yapping pup from his mother's side, with milk still a¬dripping from his chin, give him a taste of meat, and he is minded that he is a full-grown mastiff and not milady's lap-dog."

"As ye know, this war be the outcome of a quarrel between some neighboring Earl (I do forget his name, but, Ah! it matters not) and some other noble whose name also slips away like Robin Goodfellow.

"Well, here we are at this splendid war with ransoms a-plenty to be had, loot and trinkets to be gotten and strong drink to keep our throats wet. I have scarce seen a fine war where the 'greensleeves' be so green, and all that's line and fair to be had is at hand." This last was said as a rather robust young lass set yet another foaming jack on the table to join its many dry predecessors.

"Well, as I was a-sitting here, thinking on all this bounty, this hairless babe-in-arms pipes up and proclaims how dreadful it all was! It nearly spoiled my drink!

"I asked him how he considered that, and by his next words, I knew him for an untutored fool. Quoth he: 'Ah, all this bickering and intrigue; the stiletto in the back, the poison in the drink, the vows broken, the greed and false ambition! They ever lead to this; to nothing but war and ruin!'

"By this last, he well nigh confounded me, steeped as we are in such plenty. I know not of such as 'stilettos' or other such matters by which I took to mean something between Italian shepherds and their sheep and I know not what. But the meaning of his other words were plain enough.

"It was as clear as the spike on a halberd that this young milk-sop was one of those 'courtiers' ye hear so much of. I decided to keep facing him and by all means should a crown or shilling fall to the floor, to let it lie there, and by no means to bend over for it. I be not Italian!

"To be faced by this fool was more than I could bear, and I confess I may have been over-rough, but is it not sooth that were it not for this bickering and that which some call 'politics', that we warriors would soon find good honest work exceeding hard to find?

"Aye!" he continued, "Think of the hardship and bother, of the thousands of fine men-at-arms forced to sweat at the profitless digging of furrows in the ground and I know not what pursuits. No more ransoms! No loon! Aye, all that makes life good and noble would vanish forever! Fie!

"It beseemeth to me that the only ones who would profit from this sad state of affairs would be these courtiers and mayhap a fat farmer or two, while thousands would know naught but toil and misery .

"If God in his wisdom and generosity had not intended churches and manors to be looted and fat ransoms to be won, He would not have put them in our path and He would not have created this 'politics' to give occasion to reap this harvest. Without a judicious measure of strife between nobles, the world would become as tasteless as stale bread, and all that is good and fine in this world would be gone forever and mayhap would hasten its end .

"So, If some lord wishes to stir up some strife with some other lord, I say 'Godspeed'; for such is as good as a soldier's pay. Should it Increase then such would follow that good and plenty would be had by all bold enough to take"; for ye would not leave an apple on the tree when a-hungry.

"We might ourselves become wealthy nobles who mindful of the bounty bestowed upon us by a gracious Heaven, In turn we may partake of the sports on nobles, enjoying a few wars. Aye, we may then in our time provide hire for worthy warriors; and so, God willing, may It go for all time.

"Aye, it beseems to be that this is the 'Natural Order of Things' of which some priests do bespeak. ‘Tis but nature for one lord to stir up a bit o' mischief with another, for if it were not so, then it would not be."

Just then the young lass winked over from across the tavern and Stique found certain matters in that direction to attend. I wandered off into the night puzzling over his words (and trying to remain upright). There were things that were clear, some were unclear, and some sounded clear but weren't, but as I made my way, I wasn't sure which they were.

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