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Why the Arts and too much Learning are Improper Skills for a Warrior

by Stique Mac Jacques
( as overheard at a drunken revel at a war once)

"Now, I have heard sundry lords and ladies complain that we warriors spend all our time fighting, talking about fighting, both before fighting and after fighting. When we aren't doing all that they say, we're fixing our armour and talking about swords, shields, bascinets and great helms.

"There may be some sooth in all of this as such is the proper domain of the warrior, and rightly so. Ah! But then they go on by ranting and raving that we should waste our time on such sports as dancing and making music and reading and writing and I don't know what else. All of this profitless clacking of tongues does make these poor war hardened cars weary.

"Such things may be proper to graceful ladies of the Court of for fops who spend all their time curtseying and fluttering and reading that poetry babble while others are out doing a man's work. I can tell ye that such nonsense is not only not proper for a warrior but also dangerous, nay, deadly for his health and life!

"I see that you young pups who have scarce slain your first man and taken your first loot, wink and smile at the old man and think I have been overlong in the sun. But I can prove it; and take heed, lest ye too fall into ways that can only bring ruin and doom.

"You may take, for instance, this writing and reading as it is called. I knew a warrior who would have done well had he not had this fatal habit. Whenever we were out on campaign or siege, he had some book or other. And when lie should have been cleaning the rust from his helm, or paying heed to the wise words of an old veteran, he was ever doing this reading. Well, one day lie met his end when lie fell down a well. It is plain that had his head not been full of all these useless words and his mind not in those books, he might well be a prosperous knight today, or a baron, or maybe even a duke! Take heed to his example, ye young, milk fed whelps, when ye lay eyes on one of these books. Far better to sell it and use the loot to buy ale or something more useful.

"But, even should ye avoid the perils of reading and letters, ye have only avoided one demon. There is the dancing that courtly fops are so proud of. How could any warrior hold his head up while doing all this dainty stepping and bowing and jumping about and so on? Instead of taking proper manly, firm strides, take delicate little steps and kicks and other prancing and nonsense, looking to all the world like birds gone mad. Can you imagine warriors of the West holding hands and dancing into battle and bowing before engaging the enemy? NAY! March stalwartly into battle, and if a foot is trodden on, then it is the fortunes of war!

"Beware lest those selfsame courtly fops next have flutes and crumhorns cheer ye into battle! Take care so that they do not next have ye bestrewn with flowers and ribbons, to the merriment of your foe and your discomfort. And even, mayhap, they shall have ye singing; not a proper lusty, warlike song of deeds of arms, maidens despoiled, and riches taken, but tiny little melodies more suited to a young maid at Mass than a Western warrior. Oh, Heaven forbid! Can the downfall of the Kingdom and the end of the world be far behind? Fie, I say!

"Take my rede, young warriors, if ye would live to become wise in the ways of war. Keep ye far from all of these foppish doings that would be of little use in battle and as ye can see may bring ye to peril. And, above all, avoid as ye would the plague, all manner of these books and such. And should anyone attempt to persuade ye to learn this writing, three feet of steel is a ready cure. And ye need not heed only my words, but ye can ask other warriors, for ye shall find many of my mind..."

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