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The ALBATROSS
April 1983

This is one of the best loved songs of that great Southern Shoals bard of renown and funny habits:

SLENDER HARVEST

I came home from a crusade, as cheerful as could be,
And there on the rack was a polished helm, where my helm was supposed to be.
So I asked my wife, dear sweet wife, explain this please to me:
Why's there a helm on the armor rack where my helm's supposed to be? She said,
Thou sot, thou befuddled sot, cannot thou plainly see? '
Tis but a simple chamberpot that my grandmother gave to me.
Now I have been to France and back, a hundred times or more,
But a chamberpot with a visor, I have never seen before.

The next crusade, I came home, exuberant as could be,
And there on the bench was a pair of hose where mine were supposed to be.
So I said to my wife, strange red-faced wife, explain this please to me:
Why is there a pair of hose where/my hose is supposed to be?
She said, Thou dolt, thou witless dolt, Cannot thou plainly see?
Tis but an ancient dishrag that my grandmother gave to me.
Now I have been to Araby, a thousand times or more,
But a dishrag with a codpiece I have never seen before.

One more crusade, I came home, floating but not at sea,
And there on the pillow was another head, where my head was supposed to be
So I said to my wife, peculiar wife, explain this please to me:
Why is there another's head where my head ought to be? She said,
Thou utter simpleton, Cannot thou plainly see?
'Tis nothing but a cabbage head that grandma gave to me.
Now I've been about the entire world (Heck, I've even been to Ireland once!) and washed up on every shore,
But a cabbage head with a muttonchop mustache I have never seen before.

After that, I quit coming home from crusades.

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