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The ALBATROSS
April 1983

No-Count Tourney

The County Of Southern Shoals Presents The No County For Tastes Tourney And Revel

The annual Southern Shoals No County for Tastes Tourney will be held as usual in Buzzard Dunes Park. The main event, of course, will be the/list to determine the successor to our beloved No-Count Zimmerman. Who will be the next to wear the Regal Noose of Southern Shores? Attend, and be the first in your keep to find out.

Schedule:

10 am   Opening court announced.
11 am Opening court announced again.
Noon Court postponed indefinitely.
1 pm Noose List commences.
3 pm
Showdown melee.
4 pm Winner of Noose List "elevated".
5 pm Closing court announced.
6 pm Closing court deferred until revel.

Also at the tourney will be the judging of the annual Southern Shoals Arts and Sciences competition. The categories this year will be:

  • Crocheted or tatted armor.
  • Cloisonne chamberpots.
  • Grandfather clocks made entirely of blancmange.
  • On-site woven tapestry competition. The tapestry is to depict the Twi­light of the Gods and the overthrow of Valhalla.
  • Jesting: the winner will be the one who makes Sir William the Lucky laugh.
  • Destruction of musical instruments.

After the tourney will be held the revel. Before the revel will be the getting there.

During the revel will be drunk.

Like last year, the revel will be held in the Feast Hall of the Brothers of the Bubonic Plague. We have been assured that there will be no repetition of last year's vampire bat attacks.

Revel schedule:

7 pm Court delayed.
8 pm Collegium Cadaverum plays medieval dirges for your din­ing pleasure.
9 pm Dancing commences with Crusaders vs Saracens Bransle.
10  pm
 Dancing continues with Earl of Sots Buried Pavane.
11 pm Dancing concludes with Bransle Offal (double left, double right, then throw your left­overs)
12 am Mundane constables summoned.
1 am Mundane constables call for reinforcements.

Directions:

From the South: Cross the Isthmus of Panama with Balboa, follow Coronado north into New Spain, commandeer a pueblo, take the Colorado River to the Kingdom of Caid and despair.

From the East: Take the next caravan north from Marseilles to Paris. Do not take any of the roads, because they all lead to Rome. Do not trust the Burgundians. Catch a plane. Do not check your tourney gear. Take 44 to Levi Cutoff, 9 south to Coronary Bypass, and 1066 north toward the Isthmus of Panama. Then continue as above.

From the West: Swim a long way. Then swim some more. Wash up on the reefs, and there you are!

 

Autocrats: Lord Burleigh Slimwit and Lady Arteminia the Absent. Address and telephone number carefully concealed.

 



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